RELEASE INFORMATION
26 OCTOBER 2024
Sold direct
RETAIL 349.99 USD
ANODIZED MAGNESIUM
65 MADE
Diameter 52mm, Width 38MM, Gap 4.4mM
Weight 63.5G
M4 x 10mm AXLE
CONCAVE D bearinG
D SIZED TYPE 50 LANDING PADS RESPONSE
A SERENDIPITOUS DISCOVERY
Once upon a time in the wildly spintastic town of Gigglesworth, lived a boy named Spencer, who had a real knack for stringing people along — like his parents, who still held onto the faintest hope that he’d become a doctor. One glorious afternoon, while valiantly exploring the dusty wasteland of his dad’s attic, he discovered a box labeled “Top Secret.” Naturally, he opened it, because ignoring giant warning labels is what heroes do, right?
Inside, to his absolute horror (or delight, we’ll never know), he found an impressive collection of adult magazines—classics like “Playtoy” and “Hustler.” Just what every awkward teenager needs for some… spinfluence. Spencer’s face turned fifty shades of red as he slammed the box shut. But not before catching sight of something shiny nestled among the fine literature.
RIBBED FOR EXTRA STIMULATION
It was a yo-yo. Not just any yo-yo—this one was sleek, shiny, and cheekily named “Derty Mag.” Spencer chuckled. “Perfect! Just what my social life was missing, a yo-yo with more personality than my entire high school.” He slipped the string on his finger and gave it a whirl. To his surprise, it spun with more sass than half the adults he knew.
The yo-yo came with a rather… informative brochure, chronicling the life of its creator, Russell Andert, affectionately dubbed the “Hugh Hefner of Yo-Yos.” Apparently, Russell had a mission: to create the “dert” series of yo-yos that could deliver maximum sensation while keeping things oh so pleasurable.
First Derty Mag CAD.
His pièce de résistance? The Derty Mag, which, according to the brochure, had a 1mm smaller girth and a “special groove for extra friction and sensation.” That groove went through more trial and error than a bad haircut, until he finally nailed the perfect one for peak stimulation.
“D”
As Spencer practiced, the yo-yo seemed to gain a life of its own, executing tricks with a level of enthusiasm that made him feel like the star of some sort of talent show. “Skin the Gerbil” somehow turned into “Rub the Bean,” and “Split the Atom” evolved into “Split the Eve,” each trick sending the yo-yo on spins that felt a bit too saucy for a simple afternoon of yo-yoing. The real kicker? When Spencer unscrewed the yo-yo, he found it housed a “D bearing” inside—because, obviously, a basic C bearing would never handle this kind of action.
C bearing (left) and D bearing (right) Derty Mag prototypes.
Derty Mag (right) is 1mm smaller in girth compared to derti (left).
A NIGHT TO REMEMBER
One night, their nosy neighbor, Mrs. Kathy, decided she just had to investigate the commotion. Just as Spencer was mid-trick—probably throwing down with a “Double Entendre Loop”—the Derty Mag made a bold escape, landing squarely in Mrs. Kathy’s lap. She gasped, clutching her pearls like they were some kind of force field. But then, out of nowhere, she let out a giggle. “Well, I never!” she said, half-scandalized, half-impressed. “That yo-yo is certainly… stimulating.”
Spencer, emboldened by Mrs. Kathy’s newfound appreciation for the fine art of yo-yoing, decided to step up his game. Soon, he was pulling off tricks at school that made the girls swoon and the boys look on in envy. Moves like “Kama-sutra-kaze,” “Gyroscopic Flip,” and crowd-favorite “Knicker Twister” had everyone in stitches.
POPEYE THE YO-YO MAN
It didn’t take long for Spencer to become the town’s newest celebrity. His yo-yo hand got so jacked, people started calling him “Popeye the Yo-Yo Man.” The once-snooze-fest town of Gigglesworth was now buzzing with laughter and some highly questionable yo-yo tricks, all thanks to one nosy kid and a box of, let’s just say, unexpected discoveries.
